nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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