Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
