hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
