My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize