I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
being pregnant is like rehab
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
