i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
