my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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