So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
