Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
