The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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