R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
