I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
