yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Acid is not a monday night drug
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
