So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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