A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
