This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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