good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
