farters have to be the big spoon...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
