I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
