Screwed.edu
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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