So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
