Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
