just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
