I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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