Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize