Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
