i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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