why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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