They should really pass out barf bags in church
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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