He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
