Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
