Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
