you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
