My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
