Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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