stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
tell me about the eggs
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
