Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
