Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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