if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
