I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize