I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
