Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
