uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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