Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
