oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
