I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
