I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
