Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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