i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
