I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
