There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
