his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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