she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize