Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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