all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
