he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
