Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
