Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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