alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
