I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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