I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
