a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
