party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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