hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
