hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
