Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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