For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
