My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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