thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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