I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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