you win again, gameday.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
