If i come over, it means nothing
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
