I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How does it feel to date your dad?
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