im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
