I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
