There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I want to have your abortion
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
