Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
