Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
