You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
