you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
