You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
