I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
