White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
