Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize