If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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