So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
