Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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