I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
