I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
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