I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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