They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize