Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
