you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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