you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
