if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am full of burrito and curiosity
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
