my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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