My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
