He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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